Well, I do. I don’t really know anyone who would tell me ‘oh, gee, I love sitting here in limbo not knowing what’s going to happen next.’ I, however, seem to have an especially bad relationship with waiting and patience. Maybe it’s because I worry so much, or maybe it’s because of the instant gratification that we all get used to. Who knows. Right now, I’m currently waiting to hear back from a job I really, really want. I had the interview almost 2 weeks ago, and have been in contact with them since then, mostly trying to sort out my references. There’s only so much a girl can take, you know?
My impatience with my daily life certainly doesn’t do anything positive for my spiritual life, unless you count ‘giving me a challenge’ as something positive, though I know I would have many even without this particular one. I can’t lie, it can make things like ritual and spell work very tiresome, because I never know when (or if, for that matter) I will see results. Prayer, too, when there is something I need and I’m not just being chatty, can be frustrating. Am I going to get what I need or want this year? I think we’ve all had at least one prayer answered in a strange time frame or fashion, like when you’re praying you’ll get this promotion because you need the money, but then you don’t and things get tight, you lose your job, but then a year later lo and behold, an even better job with better pay falls into your lap! God may work in mysterious ways, but sometimes I wish it wasn’t quite such a requirement.
My awesome tarot reader J2B tells me to carry around the Strength card from the Major Arcana with me, and to have it on my altar. And my bathroom mirror, my nightstand, and anywhere else that I will see it often. (His suggestion was to color copy it several times.) I did eventually put it on my altar, but I don’t spend a whole lot of time there, but I started. The Strength card, for those of you unfamiliar with the tarot, is about patience, inner strength, and leading without being forceful about it, as well as possessing the wisdom to use your own qualities to their fullest. The image is one of a woman leading a lion by the head, usually just with her hands on or around his mouth. You’d think she’d get eaten, but that’s the message of the strength card: You have the power inside yourself to do difficult things and survive. This does mean the power to survive waiting, even though you feel like it will kill you.
Many parts of our particular brand of spirituality call for taking time. (I think that’s true for many other things as well, though.) Meditation takes time to learn, and then takes time to work. Spells, rituals, and prayers take time to work. Affirmations take time to work. Trance work is the same way, and can take even longer to master. Divination takes more time to learn, though it ‘works’ pretty quickly. But as I write this list, I am reminded that many, many things take time and patience for us to improve in, but some of them aren’t as fun for us as the hobbies we excel at.
As a Gemini through and through (what that means will be a whole different post), I don’t do very will when I have to stick with something for long periods of time. Honestly, I’m not that good at anything because I don’t have the skills or self discipline I need to stick with it. I know I’m not the only one in this position, but being in it is annoying. Once I hit that skill plateau where I’m not really improving but if I kept going I would, I start to lose interest. It stops feeling challenging and starts becoming monotonous. It is a pattern I’ve been trying to change, but it is coming along slowly. Sometimes, it’s not so much a case of hitting a plateau, but a case of having trouble getting started or having no clear progression. Meditation has been like that for me. Without someone guiding you, it is really easy to get unfocused and go all over the place, get frustrated, and give up. I’m doing my best to stop that, though, and will hopefully be able to write about my triumphs soon.
To deal with this waiting thing, I’m doing my best to learn how to see little, tiny steps as progress. Not needing to look up a stitch for my fingerless gloves that I didn’t know before is progress. Getting done quicker is progress. Being able to make dinner without feeling incredibly spazzed out is progress. (You can see where I’m going with this.) Part of all of this is how you look at it and think about it. Finding small things or being glad that you aren’t backsliding is not incredibly satisfying to a perfectionist like me, but I’m learning how to suck it up and get it done.
I can’t do much about waiting for the people to call me back about my job except to sit and wait, unfortunately. While I’m waiting, though, I can try and take some sort of lesson from my desire to run to the company the next state over and shake someone until they give me an answer. Since that isn’t plausible, maybe I’ll try and go to the gym instead. Namaste.
