My waiting is over, and I’ve gotten my job! I’m very excited about it, and I still haven’t come up with a suitable way to thank the universe for what they sent my way. I know I need a job, because A. doesn’t make enough for the two of us, but now that I have one I’m not 100% sure how to feel. I know I’m happy about it, because I want to be more financially independent, and it is a very appropriate job for me, and it’s normal hours with excellent benefits, and a long list of cool stuff. This is also the first full time job I will have, ever, and the first job I will stay at for more than a summer. I think I’m going to get confused after a certain point, and not know what to do with myself because I’ll be staying there longer.
This is a big transition period for me. It is finally sinking in that I am out here for quite a while. My parents just came and brought the rest of my stuff, and I need to finish unpacking that and organizing it. I have to pay rent and bills starting next week. I can’t believe it, and I don’t know if I want to. Sometimes it’s very difficult to find an upside to growing up. I guess that’s the point I’ve hit. I’m going to be an adult and I don’t know if I actually want to be one.
I’m told that I will like it, that I’ll enjoy the feeling of self-sufficiency that comes with a job and a paycheck, and I will love the independence, being tied to no one else’s schedule. There are so many more things you can do when you’re an ‘adult,’ and it will broaden my horizons and be fun. I can move one, get married/be alone/be a crazy cat lady. These things may all be true, but to be honest, none of them sound very appealing to me. I was happy the way I was, going to school, living with my parents. It was what I wanted. Now I’m in OH with people I can’t depend on, feeling like I am essentially by myself even though I’m living with someone else. I’m not very independent, nor do I ever think I will be.
But these sorts of things cannot defeat me. I will learn how to like working, or at least find what I enjoy. My first job won’t be the best one ever, of course, but I’ve got one that will pay pretty decently. I will have insurance. I will not be at home doing nothing, waiting for A. to get home so I’m not bored anymore. I will have to start making big changes in my life, and even though I’m not incredibly enthused about it, I know that once it starts going it won’t look so scary because it’s looming above me.
The point of this crazy ramble is be careful when you’re impatient, or feel that you’re behind. What you’re waiting for so impatiently will show up one day, and then you’ll have to deal with it. Make sure it’s something you’re actually excited about and want to do. Namaste.
